If I see an ending I can work backwards... - Arthur Miller

For about two weeks I have felt absolutely wonderful. I think i'll keep it!

I have to say that when the opportunity to start another journal presented itself I took it! I like writing and I love having this outlet. If I didn't have this I would probably go crazy. I was taught that holding things in and not saying anything was the best way to deal with things,( I had my first issues with ulcers when I was 13, so repressed anger didn't work for me.) actually I had two examples and the other choice was to become the person I wanted to be least like( even though I am exactly like the person that now)
anyway, My parents had very angry aggressive children. I think it was because for a long time we were very sheltered, No sleepovers, no friends, we couldn't even go outside or spend the night with my Aunt. My mother's paranoia made us crazy we loved each other but we fought over any and every thing. At some point my Dad couldn't take it he walked us out of the front door and told us to come back at a certain time. I was in the eighth grade when he did that. When my Mom came home and realized what happened she freaked. He told her that he couldn't take it and we needed to get out and he wasn't going to keep us locked up. She was angry for a while and she would sit in the window and watch us until we came in. Being trapped in the house had advantages for me, I was very creative, I wrote a couple of books while I was in grammar school, and I really loved to read ( My parents are trying to figure out how that happened because they couldn't get my siblings to pick up a book). I am very much the middle child and contrary to what people believe middle child syndrome does exist. I am not the black sheep but I am the child who got the least attention. My older sibling was a Fuck-up and my sister was the baby. They figured that because I was doing so well in school that I didn't need there attention. I was angry , I couldn't keep it in so I started taking up Music. I excelled in it and I used it as a way to vent. I always had a great passion for music I did some singing but I loved playing the trumpet and I so badly wanted to play the acoustic guitar, I still want to learn how to play ( I think I might take lessons this year). I  stopped having problems with ulcers after I started playing the trumpet, when I got angry I would go up to the attic and play for hours. I loved every second of it. I could go on and on , but I am going to spare people my ramblings, for now:) 



 

I was thinking of posting to this journal more often, maybe at the end of everyday. I guess time will actually tell.